Local nonprofit offers a safe space to express grief
Pet Loss and Illness Support group is a free monthly event for people mourning a loyal friend.
The worst day in the life you share with a pet is the day you have to say goodbye forever. Grief is the flip side of love — the deeper the love, the more intense the grief.
Feline-advocacy nonprofit Helen Sanders CatPAWS is inviting anyone going through such grief to their Pet Loss and Illness Support Group, meeting in the library room of the Bay Shore Community Congregational Church in Belmont Shore. The group meets at 11 a.m. every third Saturday of each month and is free of charge to attend.
CatPAWS has advocated for the lives of cats since they began as a nonprofit. The organization’s mission is to promote spaying and neutering cats, rescuing kittens from shelters, providing medical care and spay/neuter procedures to make them adoptable, and engaging the community to advocate for cats themselves. CatPAWS provides a plethora of programs within their organization, such as the DIY Kitten Kits distributed for free at Long Beach Animal Care Services (LBACS) to anyone wanting to save lives of newborn kittens; TNVR support to people wanting to trap, spay/neuter-vaccinate/and release cats; and supporting cat trappers, cat roommates, and the cats themselves with spay/neuter clinics to mitigate the feline birth rate during kitten season and beyond. So far this year, CatPAWS has fixed 213 community cats (strays and unknown cats) and 141 owned cats, thus preventing the birth of thousands more.
[Transparency note: I’m a Helen Sanders CatPAWS board member and am honored to be so.]
A month ago, CatPAWS added something for humans: a space to share their grief over the loss of a pet, whether it’s a cat, a dog, a rabbit, a bird or any other animal. CatPAWS cofounder Deborah Felin-Magaldi understands how meaningful this can be for someone grieving the loss of a pet or the pain of waiting for the death of an incurably sick animal, called anticipatory grief. She’s had to say many goodbyes, friends, including to Zoey, who died of a nasal tumor that spread to her brain. But it was the most recent loss of another rescued cat, semiferal Maya, that inspired Felin-Magaldi to form the grief group. A splenectomy to remove a tumor in Maya’s little body revealed an abdomen riddled with aggressive tumors, and Felin-Magaldi had to say goodbye to Maya on an operating table.
“That left a deep and unresolved wound,” Felin-Magaldi said. “That experience prompted me to start the Pet Loss and Illness Support Group for those who understand that special kind of grief losing a pet can bring. I was moved to start the group based on my own experience with hospice care, chronic illness management and death of my own cats and also those we have rescued.”
The group had its inaugural meeting Feb. 21, facilitated by two CatPAWS volunteers, who lead each meeting. The group is not a therapy group — none of the volunteers are therapists. That’s what our pets do. Participants share whatever they’re comfortable sharing or just sit and listen to others express their own. No advice is given unless someone asks for it. As with any safe place, anything participants talk about will remain in the room.
Uncomfortable thoughts or emotions could come up, and most likely, they’ll resonate with more than one participant. Guilt, an unwelcome companion of grief, is what keeps people who have lost a pet awake at night — “if I’d only done this or that, they’d still be alive.” Looking for signs of life and recovery, anything to fend off the inevitable, can also bring on guilt.
“I have been on many journeys with cats, through illnesses, sometimes for years, sometimes just days, and been with them in their last moments,” Felin-Magaldi said. “In conversation with others, I have found that it is not uncommon to struggle with feelings of guilt, regret, sometimes even relief, and so many other emotions often difficult to define.”
Comments from friends who may mean well are hurtful as well: “You’ll get over it,” “Just give it time,” “It was only an animal.”
“Society as a whole is not always as receptive to the profound and devastating loss the death of an animal companion can be,” Felin-Magaldi said.
No matter how many pets you’ve loved, each loss hurts. The length of time you’ve known the animal has no bearing on the depth of the grief, either. Several years ago, I adopted a 17-year-old cat, a wonderful, lanky fellow whom I named Old Scratch. We fell for him immediately. Old Scratch had enormous ears, one crossed eye and a snout. He looked like Ian McKellan. We shared only 10 months, but after the vet left my house and took the spiritless body with him, I wailed for hours and cried for days.
“But you only had him for a few months,” a friend said, which struck me as pretty clueless, but even close friends might not get it.
If you are mourning a pet and you want to share your grief with a group of people who do get it, you’re warmly invited to attend the Pet Loss and Illness Support Group. Don’t bring any living pets with you — just the ones who live on in your heart and memory. You can bring photos, ashes, stories or any mementos of your pets. Again, attendance is free, and there’s room for about 14 people. To give CatPAWS advance notice, access this link to add your name to the roster, or email info@helensanderscatpaws.com and put “Pet Loss and Illness Support Group” in the subject line.
Know that your pet is no more “just a pet” than you are just a person. Listen to and be listened to by people who need to know that, too.
The next Pet Loss and Illness Support Group takes place Saturday, March 21, at 11 a.m. at Bay Shore Community Congregational Church, 5100 E. The Toledo, Long Beach. CatPAWS has a resource page that explores these ideas with sensitivity; access it here.
YOURS DROOLY
One of the things that Helen Sanders CatPAWS does is to pull kittens from shelters, including LBACS, and grow them into healthy cats. Some of the kittens start from scratch, so to speak, as neonatals that fill shelters and rescues during kitten season.
When necessary, CatPAWS also accepts cats who were previously adopted from them because of specific situations such as owner death (be sure your pets are provided for in your will or trust), developed allergies and housing situations. Sometimes, a kitten will reach cathood in a foster home. With all the cute kittens coming in everywhere, adult cats can be overlooked. However, if you want a purry pal without all the hyperactivity and will just settle for drama, an adult cat may be just right for you. Besides, kittens grow up to be cats anyway.
Here are three adult CatPAWS cats! To adopt any of them, follow this link for instructions and applications. If you want to meet one of the kittens face to nose, check in with the Seal Beach Pet Smart, 12341 Seal Beach Blvd., Seal Beach, during the afternoon and early evening.
Asrael is as beautiful inside as she is externally. Her lovely coat with its tabby markings is matched by a sweet, loving personality. Her original adopter passed away, so she’s looking for her new best friend. She is not a big cuddler, but she does love to lie close to her people. She’ll sit on a lap for a bit, and she’s learning that it’s a nice thing to do. She’s playful and enjoys toys. Azrael has always lived as an only cat, but with a savvy owner, she could be introduced to another kind animal or two to enrich her life.
If Walter weren’t lost in the ecstasy of a belly rub, you’d be able to see his round, golden-green eyes that remind us of a harvest moon. Walter is a loving, easygoing young boy with a cute face. He expresses his desire for those belly rubs by purring and rolling around on his back to show you his belly. Walter’s an absolute love bug who’d love to spend the rest of his years in a forever home.
Meet Olive, the 3‑year‑old patrol captain of her cozy kingdom! This attentive, protective sweetheart makes it her mission to keep everything safe and everyone loved. She’ll quietly hang out nearby, politely asking for pets, snuggles and a spot on her beloved heating pad. If you live with a big dog, Olive won’t have any complaints. With proper introduction, she’ll warm up to other cats, too. She’s photogenic as all get-out — while CatPAWS doesn’t DNA-test, she does resemble a Chartreux beauty queen — and she has the smarts to go with her beauty. Olive crushes puzzle toys, hunts down treats like a pro, and chases wands and soft toys with athletic enthusiasm. Olive’s adopter will receive a full starter kit (carrier, litter box, litter, scoop, bowls, fountain, food, toys, blanket) to help her settle right in.
TAIL-WAGGIN' AND NOSE-BOOPIN' EVENTS
Small Paws Art Show at Cool Cat Collective
Local professional sign painters, artists and illustrators have created miniature protest signs that the proprietors say that their cat “would totally hold if they had opposable thumbs.” The show concept, curation and supporting materials are by Katie Vonderheide, who also painted the little shop’s mural and created the window art.
The Small Paws Art Show runs through March 26, Wednesday–Sunday, 10 a.m.–6 p.m. at Cool Cat Collective, 2741 E. Fourth St., Long Beach. The show is free to attend.
Show Me Your Kitties Cabaret
Get ready for a night of feline-filled fun and fabulousness! Show Me Your Kitties Cabaret is a classic cabaret with a twist: the entire show is cat-themed! The Little Lion Foundation is producing a lineup of dazzling performers, all coming together to raise money for the Long Beach-based nonprofit dedicated to saving the lives of kittens. Join us at the Altar Society for an evening of glitter, glamour, and good deeds as we shimmy, shake, and strut our tails off to support spay/neuter services, kitten rescue, and the Little Lion Foundation's life-saving programs. Not included in ticket prices are competitions for gift baskets, cocktails to swig and a limited menu from the Altar Society. Oh yes — it’ll be Friday the 13th, so wear your basic black-cat attire! All proceeds from ticket sales go to the Little Lions’ little lions!
Show Us Your Kitties Cabaret Doors takes place Friday, March 13, 6:30 p.m.–10:30 p.m. at the Altar Society, 230 Pine Ave., Long Beach. Get there early to get good seats — buy your tickets here
Let’s go bowling with Helen Sanders CatPAWS!
When your cat sits up straight, their little head pointing upward, do you think of bowling pins? When they knock the cup that holds your pens to the floor, do you suddenly yell “Strike!”? If you do, you’ll love this event! Helen Sanders CatPAWS 13th Annual Bowling Fundraiser will give you a great way to focus and vent your energy and support this nonprofit rescue at the same time. Shoes and a snack are included! Hate bowling? Come anyway and cheer your team on! Bid on silent auction items, and win a prize for your bowling skill or lack of same. Funds will support CatPAWS’ spay/neuter programs for community cats and owned cats and will pay the medical bills for the rescued cats, which will turn them into the adorable adoptables you can see on their Adoptions page and in person at the Seal Beach PetSmart. Purchase tickets here.
CatPAWS’ 13th Annual Bowling Fundraiser takes place Saturday, March 21, 3 p.m.–6 p.m. at Westminster Lanes, 6471 Westminster Blvd., Westminster. Ticket prices $45 for bowlers, $25 for non-bowlers. Snack is included in both tickets.
Need a low-cost veterinarian, information about trapping community cats, places to volunteer, pet food, veterinary assistance, rescues and shelters to adopt from — anything pet related? Follow this link for resources. Please add your own ideas in the Comments section.
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